Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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