I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
