I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
