I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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