I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
