How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
