Betty ford says i'm here all night
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
