I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
