I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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