he puts the penis in happiness.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
