i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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