I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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