he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
