I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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