You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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