im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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