I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Green mimosas i think yes
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
