if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
