I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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