I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
