I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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