NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
