I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize