I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
