dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
