I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
