we're blogging at a bar
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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