I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
