walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
