i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
