My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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