At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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