dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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