He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
