going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
