whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
