Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Holy shit dude........stairs
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
