The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
