Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
