what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
