Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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