cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
