Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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