Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
