I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
