Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
