dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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