Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Randomize
