please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
