Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
