i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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