u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
