We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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