You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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