after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
