ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
