she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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