I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My dick has a subreddit
wow bdsm is so cute
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize