Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
