i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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