Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
